Donkey Punched

So just what the fuck do you do when the carrot of fate is dangling deliciously in front of your big, dumb eyes, and the bastard holding it is leading you down his very own fucked up path of self-delusion & denial...? Who do you turn to when his identical scar is staring back at you every time you look in the mirror, with a twisted smile knowing exactly where you're headed, knowing you had all the choices he never had, and you may still have to make them the same damned way...?

The excuses are done piling up, the blood is flowing from the cup and I just don't give a damn anymore. An ellipsis dangling from a cliff, a frightened boy shouting 'what' and 'if', with no more knowledge than he had before.

But there is that one precious gem, isn't there? That one last motherfucker climbing into your head right before you enter unconscious bliss, letting you know that it's never going to be okay, that all the retroactive care in the world will never equal being a product of pure desire. I, the insomniac tragic protagonist, doomed to almost a quarter century of shitty sleep without 1 pleasant fucking dream ever, and this is what I get to know before the nightmares begin?

So sickened, depleated, the sins are repeated. At every turn, the son is defeated.

I wish I were at some kind of precipice, that this was some time for a turnaround, a moment of clarity.

So I care not for my image within your perception; what truth shall I find when defined by deception?

I'm done with saving you, a gift unto myself. A tired savior, a wasted favor, and I'm lucky I'm alive...*

My pain, my pride... These scars are mine**. SEVAS TRA!


*Pantera, "Living Through Me (Hell's Wrath)" The Great Southern Trendkill, 1996
**Otep, "Nein" House of Secrets, 2004

The Animal

I don't need this anger. I don't need this constant fear.
I don't need the subjugation of another year.
So I walk alone.

I cannot be burned out, and I can't just fade away,
but I can't take the stinging of another day.
So I walk alone.

I must reject the memories and sever all the ties.
I must live in denial and ignore all the cries,
and I walk alone.

As hands reach out to save me, I must smack them aside.
I must deny the frightened stares of all the heroes who have died,
and I walk alone.

If I am to save the righteous and live for what is true,
I must begin the battle out of reach from you.
I walk alone.

Who's Running

I wrote this to impress you
but now my screams distress you
and you're worried about my state of mind

The favors pulled achieve this
just to get you to see this
but you're still so scared of what you'll find

I cannot heed the warning
losing my time for mourning
this blood's been spilling from the start

So this conscience tries to bait me
but still I make you hate me
and my reach is too far from your heart

No tears, no time for reason
just like a changing season
You turn away from me again

In the wind I feel the starkness
alone I sit in darkness
what happened to your 'Let's be friends'...?