No Field Goals

I want nothing and you'll never see
the very little it takes to drive me
to the brink of a stroke, it's where you live,
when I'm all full, and there's nowhere to give.

It's why my feet continue to move,
even when there's nothing to prove,
and you're reaching ahead for whatever may come
and I'm only happy when I'm down & dumb.

There's so much out there I should need,
yet only certain hungers I ever feed,
no matter how hard you're clawing away,
I'm left here waiting for the end of the day.

So just be happy with what you've got,
and don't worry until you hear the shot,
because I promise not to make such a big mess
when my desire can finally reach for no less.

Omni Presents

So I was thinking, maybe he can't see it all.
Maybe he's just been around too long
to wonder if we're praying or breaking into song,
to know whether or not we give a shit about right from wrong.

So I was hoping, maybe I'll get away with it.
Maybe it's not about eventual perfection,
but just about possibly making a connection
to forget the science of thought & natural selection.

So I was guessing, maybe there's nothing to look forward to.
Maybe omnipotence is as good as it gets
and it's less fun to get away with whatever he lets,
and all you do is take the gamble out of all your bets.

So I was begging, maybe I could lose the guilt.
Maybe my intelligence won't let me feel so down
to wonder why I'm even allowed to stick around
to beg in tears for final forgiveness before I'm rotting in the ground.

Control Denied

I'm sweating and beautifying
but inside I feel like dying.
These pictures of you just smile so hard.

I see what this work will bring me,
a new, handsome boy that I can't be,
I still can't believe you ran so far.

A heart not soft enough for you,
sad old man and what he couldn't do,
is all that's left since you walked away.

An angel in black,
who will never come back
helped me begin to die that day.

I guess I'll never make it.
I wish you would've let me fake it,
to have my own heart, but you had to break it.

In Ashes

I'm not losing my mind this time, and it all hurts so much more.
It's like finally getting off the pipe, and still going on being a whore.
I've been begging for blindness since I was old enough to see.
I swear to God, I want to die, but not with eyes not free.
Soon I know, we'll walk away, and we'll never come back.
Soon I know, I'll be obsessed, I'll be crying for some smack.
These realizations are constantly scaring the shit out of me.
I'm out of tears for that one last chance to get the fit out of me.
There's not one soul that's left, none that I can trust.
By this time next year, I know I'll turn to dust.

Acceptable Period

Can't bring a sense of attention.
Cannot be forced to mention,
all the ways we were rejected
no matter how hard we were reflected.

I watched for knives coming at my back until I felt it.
One blade under the ribs, and one underneath my armpit.
The bastard came right at me, with smiles & salutations.
He knew just how to play on every one of my frustrations.

We saw our blood and the closing of the coffin door.
Next we were begging for the friend of sinners & a whore.
But we got nothing but the darkness from which we ran away,
and now we breathe in dirt & worm shit every single day.

He was like a god, showing nothing to the non-believers.
He was like an angel, comforting all the grievers.
He smiled deftly, and took every single thing in reach,
and when it seemed all over, I found one more knife in one more breach.

A Wish Called Cotton

All I know is that it smelled like sin,
and I'd kill & bleed just to get in,
and it made me sweat and swear and pull out my hair,
and it was more painful than fiction and it was absolute addiction,
and she stayed there and looked like that all alone,
and I could barely contain the need for new flesh & bone,
and we waited and waited and we were never sated,
and everyday longer it was more complicated,
and every time they came I tried to laugh it off,
and never could I keep it to a whisper and a cough,
and every single strand & every single drop
made me feel more like a fool and more like a prop,
and every pretty smile drove me a little more insane,
and in every waking moment I fell more in love with the pain.

Scarred Winter

Watching you behave this way, it kills me to believe,
to share the shame, the pain you've made, with ease how you deceive.
I watch my friend bleed slow & dry;
I beg for you to let him die...
With laughing eyes & a stabbing heart, you offer no reprieve.

There is a champion among us,
someone to deliver,
someone to play forgiver.
But they can't win all the time,
they can't match your power.
You grow darker every hour.

It's just that I fear what I don't understand.
Would you really give in if we meet your demand?
Would you give back his hand without taking his arm?
What will it take to make you stop the harm...?